Looking back on that wonderful night, I realized that I learned a great deal from planning such an important event. Much of what I learned will help me in my career. Below are the highlights.

1. Prioritize

Often times in America, planning of a wedding begins moments after the excitement of the engagement quells. Coming from a male perspective, this is amazing. We spend our time planning to “pop the question”, and then as soon as we do, it is as if the floodgates of wedding expectations and desires open right up. From that point forward, the giant list of preparative tasks stays at the fore-front of our minds. Ever-growing. Never shrinking.

As overwhelming as the list may be, it can be managed through prioritization, by sitting down with your fiancee and discussing those items that are the most important. This exercise leads to a plan that can save you money and time, by realizing which items can be purchased for less money, which items can be delegated, or which items can be left uncompleted.

In addition to the list of known tasks, there will be issues. For example, the color of my vest that I wore on my wedding day was incorrect. It was white when it should have been ivory. I, of course, didn’t notice until it was too late. It was not a big deal. Things like this will happen in weddings and in your career. As long as it does not affect your top priorities, do not let it stress you out. There will be a time and place to resolve such issues. That time is not during your wedding day.

Think of this scenario in the business world. You and a team are working toward a Big Hairy Audacious Goal and it feels as though processes are becoming disorganized. You feel like you have to do everything or you will be a failure. This is simply not true.

Take a step back and evaluate the most significant goals and tasks with your core group. Focus. Make sure to proceed with only those items that will bring progress to your primary goals. If you can achieve them, you will be successful even though things may not be perfect.

2. Outsource

Most people, when planning for a wedding, still have a life to live. They have a full-time job, a social life, family obligations, school… Time management becomes crucial. When wedding planning, you must realize that your time is important, because only you (and your fiancee) can make many of the important decisions. Instead of performing all the work yourself, you MUST delegate/outsource. In my case, I thought I wanted to have complete control over the DJ’s playlist. However, I soon realized that I just wasn’t going to be able to create a complete playlist and also accomplish my bigger goals. “Leave it to the DJ,” I said. “He is a professional, afterall.”

Hopefully you will find that family and friends offer to help with wedding preparations. Perhaps your initial instinct is that you do not need it. I advise you to find a way for them to help. Practice your delegation skills. Remember, your time is critical. If you can relinquish a little bit of control to allow someone else to help, you will have more time to work on the truly important aspects of your wedding. Besides, if you try to do everything yourself, it’s not going to turn out perfectly anyway, because you will run out of time. At the end of it all, make sure to let your helpers know how appreciative you are that they were able to contribute.

At the workplace, how many times have you found yourself working on a rote task because it was easier to perform yourself than to teach someone else how to do it? Please discontinue this dangerous habit! If you are working toward a tight deadline, you must have enough time to do those things that only you can do. Delegate. Outsource. Allow someone else to concentrate on those tasks that you work on just to get them out of your way. He/She may even be able to do them better than you can.

3. Overcommunicate

An important aspect of outsourcing is communication. Most likely, the biggest reason we avoid delegation of tasks is because we fear that the task will not be completed satisfactorily. This is a valid fear. Vendors, colleagues, and friendly helpers all have their own ideas and biases. Without appropriate direction, they will run with them until told to make changes (which will be too late).

Therefore, when planning a wedding or directing a project in our careers, we must overcommunicate. We cannot assume our helpers know what we want. You may not even know what you want right away either. Just make sure to follow-up with them. Express your concerns clearly and with objectivity. Explain how your tastes have changed. Remember, in most cases, you are dealing with professionals. They are skilled in taking an idea and creating something tangible. However, they cannot read your mind.

4. Disrupt Your Comfort Zone

This one is the most important.

There were many, MANY things that I had to do for my wedding that I simply did not want to do. In other words, if I could have avoided uncomfortable obligations, such as giving a speech at the Rehearsal Dinner or having to entertain during the Garter Toss, I would have. However, I would not have realized at the time how much I was missing. Looking back, the uncomfortable times created the memories and stories worth re-telling. Additionally, the uncomfortable efforts gave me experience doing things I was not used to, ultimately giving me more confidence no matter the endeavor going forward.

Ever since that night I have made a concerted effort to try and push myself outside my comfort zone. The book The Think Big Manifesto refers to this as “Getting Comfortable with Discomfort.” I admit, I have not made as many strides as I would have liked in this area. Why? Because doing things outside your comfort zone is HARD! By definition, it means doing things that are uncomfortable. Then, once you have mastered those so they are comfortable, finding new awkward things to do. Without a catalyst or a deep-rooted goal, most people will slip into a rut of comfort.

In the case of a wedding, finding that goal can be simpler. It might be to “have the best time possible,” to “show our family how much we love them,” or to “actually look half-decent while dancing.” In our career and our life, it is much more difficult to find motivation. I encourage you to do some “soul-searching”. Determine what it is you truly want from life and begin moving forward by living outside your comfort zone. If you cannot settle on a worthy goal, I recommend making a list of things that you feel like you should be able to do but have never done.

Here are a couple things on my list:

• Sell Something
• Talk to a Stranger in a bar (Sober)
• Babysit
• Medium-Sized Home Improvement Project

Perform one a week. Perhaps it will open your mind to new possibilities. I will post my progress on this blog as well.

5. Connect

There is no better time to let someone know how special they are than right now. Ok, so this isn’t necessarily career advice, but it does come into play. If you appreciate someone, let them know. Right now. In person. You will be glad you did. You will feel better about spending many hours at work knowing the people you love know you love them.

Some people find this difficult, including myself. If you are one of these people, or for some other reason you would like to say “Congrats” or “I’m Sorry” or “I Love You,” but you can’t or don’t know how, browse to my website, Viternus, which is exactly for situations like this. Create a message that can be delivered at a later date. Perhaps that will take off some of the pressure.

Conclusion

By the end of it all, we had made mistakes and left things unfinished. But guess what? I still consider the event a success. As long as our core group (i.e. my wife and I) are focused and aligned with what we want, it is possible to have success even though everything is not perfect. I will strive for this type of success throughout my life and career.

I like programming at bookstores. Armed with a laptop and earplugs, I find myself at my most creative and in flow when I am around interesting resources. Browsing a few technical or business books, my mind quickly reaches hyper-active problem solving mode. To play off the ancient proverb, when I find my hammer through reading, I immediately notice all the nails I have to pound.

In the Cincinnati area, Barnes & Noble and Borders are the most predominant bookstores with Joseph Beth coming in a distant 3^rd. Bookstores are nice because they are open relatively late (compared to libraries), have coffee bars with Internet, and have seemingly infinite resources on a variety of topics (as compared to Starbucks). At least, they “had” a variety of resources. It seems over the last couple years these large scale bookstores have been phasing out the acquisition of new tech books. It used to be that I could go to the bookstore and utilize the books to do legitimate technical research. Now, it seems that only the heavily mainstream books are on the shelves.

In late 2008, when I should have been seeing books about the Entity Framework or Sync Framework soon after they came out, I did not find anything except on Amazon. The lack of books on new .NET frameworks continued when ASP.NET MVC came out and no physical copies could be found. My strategy used to be to check Amazon to see when new books were about to be released and then to travel to Borders on that day to perform the research I needed. Or sometimes I would browse the books at the store to determine if any were worthy of buying. For those that were, I then bought them on Amazon because they were much cheaper.

Unfortunately, the trend has continued. I am hard pressed to find any interesting books (or those that I have not read already) in the “Computers – Programming” category. And this used to be the key differentiator to me from the coffee shops on every street corner.

I realize that I may not be the ideal customer in the eyes of the bookstore. I have learned not to buy any books from them and commonly use the free Internet provided. However, I at least make a conscious effort to purchase an overpriced beverage every time I abuse the store’s resources.

With the above changes comes my growing disappointment. I miss having a central place to do research, skim random books, surf the Internet, energize myself with caffeine, and watch people. I don’t believe I can get that just from the Internet at home or a coffee shop. Additionally, I prefer to learn through reading books versus through the Internet, mainly because they tend to cover a wider spectrum of knowledge. Usually, a book goes through the basics to the intermediate and then the advanced. Books tend to contain straight-forward walkthroughs, executive summaries, and theoretical concepts. In contrast, the Internet tends to have very specific blog entries that solve a particular problem. When researching this way, I am forced to “jump right in” instead of following a complete tutorial targeting varying experience levels. It can be difficult to find high-level descriptions about a technology and why it is useful.

Is it useful to complain about a problem for which I am not offering a solution? I don’t know. I assume the bookstores are not making very much money by filling their inventory with programming books. Or perhaps authors are no longer producing content in the form of physical page turners. I just hope they know that the technology and programming books were a small part of the overall experience which caused me to buy their coffee. I guess attracting my “type” wasn’t worth it for them.

Perhaps when I win the lottery, I’ll unleash my solution to the dying bookstore industry. More on this in a later post…

Photo by Gerriet

The Big Idea

Here’s the weird thing, being away from a computer for a week is not relaxing given my current perspective of the world. The best vacation I can have right now obviously includes spending quality time with loved ones. However, I spend so much of my life trying to carve out time to work on side projects that a part of me feels like this week should be no different. Given that the resort has free Wi-Fi and my wife is taking her laptop, I have several types of tasks in mind that should make it easier to be as productive as possible without neglecting the opportunity to experience Mexico.

• Work on the soft tasks
  • I am writing this blog post on a piece of paper on the plane
  • Think about/write down marketing message
  • Think about what kind of influencers I need to contact about my product
  • Refine my elevator pitch
• Brainstorm
  • Interact with and observe people
  • Print out blogs that I have been meaning to read (often times, reading something short provokes creative ideas)
• Get Feedback
  • I’m spending a week with my family, so guess what, they’re going to have to hear about my ideas at least once
  • Listen to their feedback
• Work on the product (if possible)

Many of these tasks do not require anything more than conversation and time for reflection. Others only require a pen and paper. But when can I work on product development and/or communication with the outside world via email and the Internet? How can I make sure that I appropriately limit when and how I perform this work?

General Strategy 1: Limit Alcohol Intake

Maybe I sound like a party pooper but I plan to heavily restrict my alcohol intake this week. It is time to make the decision that I would rather feel all the time than to feel great while enjoying a buzz but tired/worthless the next day. The ultimate goal of this decision will be to harness as much energy as possible and to be awake when other family members are taking naps, etc.

General Strategy 2: Take Advantage of the Inequity of Preparation Times

Let’s face it. In most circumstances, men are able to spend less time getting ready for a night out than women. It is certainly true in this group’s case. My plan will be to get ready quickly and then get some work done while I wait.

General Strategy 3: Leverage the Cell Phone

Our resort ostensibly has Wi-Fi throughout its campus. I will therefore use my cell phone to access my e-mail and perform simple Internet queries through Wi-Fi access. This will limit any exorbitant roaming charges and will allow me to look less like a Dufus while surfing the Net by the pool-side.

Results (1 Week Later)

I must be honest. After a week of trying the above strategies, the report is that I did not have much success. I was hoping to be able to use my wife’s computer for some development work but technical difficulties quickly thwarted that goal. This left the soft tasks to be accomplished, which did not occur either. Believe it or not¹, when I was lounging around the pool-side in the sun, with extremely easy access to fun, alcohol, and jovial conversation, I was not exactly writing down any golden blog posts nor stellar website copy. In summary, peer pressure worked this week.

There were some accomplishments. I focused my plans going forward and broadened my perspective. I also was able to read The 4-Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferriss. Somehow, reading a book by the pool was much more acceptable than sitting in the room on the computer. It gave me some great ideas on how to push forward as well as the confidence to do it.

Surprisingly, my cell phone received a good 3G signal, allowing me to send multiple productive emails and to stay up-to-date on twitter. This was nice given that the Wi-Fi was choppy anywhere that was not my hotel room and that I was then able to perform these tasks in taxi cabs, etc. [Update March 17: I should not have been tempted to use my data plan Internationally even though my phone gave me no indication that I was roaming. It cost a considerable amount of money which is what I was trying to avoid. Lesson learned.]

Looking back, I tried to attack the week with an intense level of energy that would allow me to enjoy vacation but to also be productive with “spare time.” The other vacationers in my family had no intention of exhibiting such energy level and were somewhat hurt by my attempts to get away. I have not learned much about how to be self-motivated and productive while also being engaged in the vacation with my family. Do you have any ideas about how I could have done this better?

¹ Note the sarcastic tone beginning now.

Late last summer a group of friends were planning a trip to Las Vegas and invited me to come along. I struggled to rationalize the trip until finally settling on the excuse. While in Las Vegas, I promised myself that I would perform research by visiting the headquarters of Zappos, the successful online retailer known for its incredible corporate culture. The goal was to witness first-hand a company that has mastered the art of creating a fun yet productive culture while also serving to motivate me in my own career. I apologize if I spoil the surprise, but it worked!

Planning

I am a bit of a veteran when it comes to Vegas trips. I know what I like and therefore I optimize for those things. However, I was a bit nervous about setting up the tour with Zappos because being productive and talking business does not normally fit into the schedule of planned events when I am on the strip. Fortunately, during planning my nervousness soon turned into excitement.

I reached out to Zappos customer service by finding an e-mail address on their website. Shortly thereafter, I received an informative and encouraging e-mail from someone at Zappos.

Hello,

In an effort to share our culture with visitors we open our doors and offer an experience of the Zappos Environment first hand through a tour. I would love to help facilitate a visit to our office, to include a tour.

Tours are offered Monday through Thursday; and the tour duration is 75 minutes. Tours typically start at 9:00am and the last tour starts at 3:00pm.

Please provide a date and an arrival time, and I’ll coordinate a schedule. One of our wonderful tour guides will WOW you with our history of service.

Zappos.com extends a complimentary shuttle service to all of our guests. If you are interested in the shuttle, please provide the pickup and drop off location(s) as well as a cell phone number.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best Regards.

It may seem like a simple e-mail but I was downright surprised. Maybe I shouldn’t have been, given Zappos’ reputation. The e-mail simultaneously answered nearly every question I had and reinforced my impression that the visit would be worthwhile. I immediately began looking forward to the tour. Looking back, throughout all my interactions with Zappos employees on the visit, I was received with similar tones of courtesy and relevant information.

The Tour

The tour of the Zappos campus was quite fun. Our tour guide, although fairly new to the company, was well trained and a good conversationalist. He delivered enormous amounts of functional knowledge about the company and each department in a very short time. I found the professionalism of every employee to be quite impressive but clearly information is not what made the tour fun.

Although I came to the tour alone, I was included in a group with 13 other people who all worked together at a Zappos supplier. This made things a bit awkward at first, but the tour included multiple tactics to get us out of our comfort zone. Some visitors walked around with Zappos flags, others were asked to ring a bell and yell something that nobody would know about them, and still others got to engage in a hula hoop competition with a random employee (who happened to be walking by at the wrong time). Because doing these things felt completely acceptable, nay expected, it did a great job of loosening up our moods. Additionally, only volunteers did these things. No one was forced to be embarrassed by the zany antics.

Zappos’ culture was very welcoming toward visitors. Almost every department we passed did something to acknowledge us and to make us “feel like Kings.” Many of them shook noisemakers, jingled bells, or played funky music on their computers. Some had funny stories or poems prepared for us. From a visitor’s perspective, I felt special to be welcomed in this way as opposed to feeling like a nuisance to people in the building. From an employee’s perspective, I could not imagine being happy about the distraction of a sizable group of people strolling through my office regularly, and me being expected to make noise and interact with them, but there will be more about that opinion in part 2 of this blog post.

The folks at Zappos wanted to make absolutely sure I left the building with a positive impression. In addition to all the free information, popcorn, and smiles I received, they gave me SWAG! I could barely carry it all (a backpack, Zappos Monopoly, culture books, and more). They let me and the other visitors choose a hard back book from their 2 large book cases in the lobby. I took home The 4 Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss. Given that I was on a mid-week Vegas trip I had traveled to Nevada with just a carry-on. There was no way that I could pack all my new stuff and take it home. While I was leaving the Zappos headquarters, I briefly had the thought to ask them if they would ship my stuff home for me. I honestly got the feeling that I would have, but I did not ask.

Conclusion

Visiting Zappos and taking the tour accomplished everything I had hoped. It taught me a great deal about how a unique culture can have brilliant effects, it was fun, and it inspired me to better myself so that I may be more desirable to future employers that have a similar environment. I absolutely recommend that you take a tour yourself. As long as you are interested in business, web development, shoes, or fun, it will be worth your while.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of this blog post, in which I analyze the productivity benefits and drawbacks of Zappos’ environment.